Kalsomonia

The Republic of Kalsomonia, known for its temperate/warm climate and nice weather year round. Geography similar to Switzerland with rivers, forests, and mountains. Limited accessibility due to rough terrain. Lots of natural water sources from the mountains and glaciers atop them. Historically neutral in its alliances it provides the world with AAPL and aims for amicable relations with all. Even Wagnerdom.

A remote area of the planet that Ben’s nation used for weapons testing that was left abandoned due to the nuclear fallout and long standing pollution from weapons testing. No nation wanted to claim the area as it was deemed too expensive and difficult to clean up. Wagner always viewed destruction of this area as a necessary to ensure his own military’s superiority and a collateral cost of supremacy. He was even proud to sacrifice an area so beautiful knowing the benefit to his nation and stature in the world it brought. He would have sacrificed 10 for even a sliver of military advantage.

Andrew Kalsom was a business major who found a niche in the weapons industry. In Wagner’s society the weapons industry was business and business was good. Being fascinated at the mechanics and chemical reactions involved in weapons, Kalsom developed a hobby as a chemist. He developed many new compounds and chemicals which were more effective at destroying things at the molecular level. This knowledge would serve him well later to create as opposed to destroy.

Andrew Kalsom who felt overwhelming guilt over destroying this previously beautiful area left Ben’s society and started planting banana trees which helped neutralize the nuclear waste with its high potassium content. After realizing the banana trees were more effective at cleaning the environment than originally thought, Andrew spent more time in the area and grew to love it. He would take frequent trips there, eventually bringing his friends and colleagues to experience the desolate but improving natural beauty of the area. Many grew to love it as much as Andrew. In *year* Andrew and a group of friends moved to the region, in an area that had been cleaned by the banana trees enough to sustain a community. Upon moving there and making clean-up a full time job, the area quickly improved and a larger section was available for development. All of this development was done in secret under cover of darkness to not attract attention. A logistics network of supplies was established with an underground network of people aware and supportive of the cleanup. Everyone involved was happy to be part of something with such a tangible benefit associated with it.

In Year xxxx Kalsom negotiated a deal with Ben’s government to annex Kalsomonia and bring it under sovereign control. The Kalsom-Wagner pact of xxxx absolved Wagner from all responsibility, and ownership of Kalsomonia in exchange for Kalsom’s sole ownership of the land. Wagner also agreed to never claim future rights, liens, or ownership of the land in perpetuity. Wagner was happy to agree to this deal as he thought it would never be a habitable area and thought Kalsom was “nuts” thinking it could ever be salvaged. Kalsom happily accepted the deal but knew Wagner would not honor the deal if he ever saw a benefit to reneging on the deal. He made national defense a priority upon signing the agreement.

Kalsom grew wealthy as a scientist and weapons developer for Wagner’s regime and received numerous accolades and awards including a personal audience with Wagner himself. Wagner trusted Kalsom and deeply appreciated the work Kalsom had done on the weapons program. Wagner even named a building in the defense facility complex after him (the one that housed the janitorial supplies). Kalsom never trusted Wagner or agreed with his methods, societal structure, or management style. As the area became green with vegetation and a new plant developed with some laboratory help, Bawhacka also known as Wacka-Wacka on the street. Bawhacka is similar to a banana but instead of round, they have a pentagon shaped cutaway. They contain a chemical compound: Amalgamated Aluminum Potassium Lysine (AAPL) which acts as sedative in small doses, causes sleep in medium doses, and death in high doses. Everyone who tried Wacka-Wacka felt a sense of calm about everything and it rapidly became a popular recreational drug amongst the local community. After only being shared with the Kalsom network, use of the drug expanded to the general population and demand for wacka-wacka exploded.

The logistics network initially established as a supply line became the network for wacka-wacka distribution throughout the country. What started as shacks and small shelters, grew into large, comfortable houses and mansions.

6 years after the agreement was signed, Wagner boarded a military helicopter to “Check up on those flower children in the mountains. How many drum circles do you think we will see?” He asked his pilot, who didn’t respond. That guy is too serious. He boarded the chopper with a strut of superiority, knowing Andrew made such a stupid deal, but deep down hoping he is still alive. After the 4 hour commute they arrived at the mountains. They didn’t seem as gray and dismal as he remembered. He was filled with a sense of hope that maybe this place wasn’t as bad as he last saw. As they passed over the low clouds the scenery opened up to dense green vegetation and a waterfall gently gliding off a distant glacier. Wagner’s heart raced as he realized this place had become beautiful again. He couldn’t wait to see what was next on the horizon. Orchards of what looked like banana trees stretched as far as he could see. A bustling metropolis appeared at the end of the groves. A statue of a smiling, skinny guy holding a bunch of bananas over his should was positioned in the center of the city. What is with these guys and bananas? Why does that statue have such a punchable face? Where the hell am I? What is happening? His thoughts raced. Wagner rapidly went from enthralled to outraged. “How did that little shit do this?!” he exclaimed to his pilot. “This place is fragging beautiful!”. Silently, the pilot began to gain altitude and speed. “Running low on fuel, sir. Heading home.” The pilot mentioned matter-of-factly. (He wasn’t). Wagner bobbed back and forth in his seat becoming angrier with every shift. “Nobody gets to do this”, he stewed. “That area is mine. It’s always been mine and it will be mine again”. He punched the window as he realized the oxymoron. He really could have used some wacka-wacka. Feeling duped by Kalsom, Wagner ordered an attack on Kalsomonia to reclaim the land for Wagnerdom. Claiming at the time “Those hippies think they’re so smart, drum circle this!” The only rule of engagement Wagner issued was no chemical, biological, or nuclear weapons could be used, as that would be counterproductive to reasserting ownership over the newly refurbished land. This left a frontal assault of infantry as the only option.

Weaponized AAPL. Using his knowledge of molecular technology, Kalsom and his team developed a super concentrated AAPL with the smallest molecular structure possible to be able to penetrate the most effective gas masks, making them useless. The concentrated AAPL could get through any air filtration system and as such was very dangerous to handle. Sealed glass cases with rubber glove access were required for any handling of the chemical.

Kalsom and his people were well prepared for this attack. Using the weaponized AAPL, the waves of storm troopers were first stupefied at the small doses of AAPL they were exposed to. The soldiers that had been using AAPL illegally had built a tolerance to it and could proceed to the higher doses, most of them fell asleep on the field. The most resilient troops who made it off the beach overdosed and died while laughing and thinking this was the best day ever.

The attack was a dismal failure. Kalsom suffered no casualties except for the guy that stubbed his toe while refilling a AAPL tank. Wager suffered 60% total loss of force, 40% being stupefied and unfit for further duty. As a result, Kalsom was the first to reach out to Wagner. His first offer was to write an article for the media stating Wagner’s diplomatic mission to Kalsom was a huge success and contact between the two nations has not only been established but relations are on a strong footing with mutual respect and admiration. Kalsom also offered for Wagner to come over and stroll the banana fields with him to get a more in depth grasp of Kalsomonia and get a sense of the environment and culture. Wagner immediately responded with a poorly grammared email stating “Sounds like you like Nukes, sending some shortly.” Kalsom, panicked, called Wagner directly and left a voicemail stating that if that happens, the world’s supply of wacka-wacka would be shut down and he would have a revolution on his hands. Cautiously removing his hand from the red button, Wagner called in his chief domestic advisor. He barked, “What the hell is wacka-wacka?” Nervously, the advisor chirped, “What, I don’t know...” Wagner, impatient at best, replied “Don’t fuck with me, what is it?!” “It’s the best thing ever, everyone loves it, people can’t function without it, but why do you want to know? Don’t kill me.” Confused, concerned, and knowing he needed more information, Wagner left his office to convene his advisors. His advisors sat around the large black rock table, murmuring to themselves. Wagner rushed in, sat in his traditional seat fists on the table. “So what is it?” “It’s a drug, sir. Apparently it calms the user and creates a sense of calm.” “Who uses it?” “Seems like everyone, sir.” “I only found out about this yesterday” he yelled, “clearly not everyone is using this!”

Control and regulation of AAPL. Wagner instituted an agency whose purview is to completely control the flow, distribution, and application of AAPL across the nation. All sales and distribution were under his complete control and he had final authority over every decision made on AAPL.